There's gotta be someway... yes, there's gotta be someway.

Wow- it is ''prenora'' that it is already the 23rd of July... meaning I leave Slovenia in a few days... less than 2 weeks. I am pretty heart broken, but realize that I have chosen this way of life... knowing people deeply and well- allowing myself to be blessed by them and also, then, living away from them... feeling their absense. I find myself in this pattern that I am completely thankful for, and completely broken by.


I miss you. If you are reading my blog, I am assuming that is true, mostly because I do not think that I am such a stellar author (or storyteller, for that matter, as much as it pains me to say that) that people who do not care about me would read my writings.*

This has been a really unusual summer. I fought against allowing myself to form any expections- mostly becuase I have a wild and extremely optimistic outlook on life and tend to imagine perfect situations where everything always goes right. Therefore, I am glad that I tried to go without expectations... certainly I would not have expected this summer to go this way. Please understand, I am having an incredible time. I spend most of the school day in the company of 2 American men (Peter and Andy) and a Croatian woman (Petra). Along with most other relationships from this summer, I am the youngest (so be prepared for super mature nicole in a few weeks). After class, I continue to spend most of my time with the same people, plus the incredible Jure Tanko (And Petra Arko when she comes, or goes to the sea with us :) ). We eat, we drink, we sit by the Reka Ljubljanica, we get to know each other. And I am glad- I am incredibly thankful for these people that I have done life with for the past 3 weeks. I am thankful for the Slovene people that I get to spend weekends and short evenings with. I am thankful for my friend in Canada that I visited in May and may see again if I visit Dalhousie in 2 weeks (seriously- does anyone want to meet me there??? It will be really fun!), I am thankful for Tiljo and Špelica that return to me tomorrow. And in less than 2 weeks (or possibly 3 weeks), I will go back to another very significant part of my life- my home. Where I will finally be around people that I have missed deeply for the past 2 months, but will also feel the void from the people I am around now.

Anticipating this void makes me ask: Am I making the choice to always feel a slight yearing for relationships that cannot be a part of my life all of the time? Getting to know people is a cause for joy and, eventually, for grief. Letting your life be enriched with the company of others will inevitably cause great delight and great sorrow.

There is a song that I have fallen in love with called 'At the Hop' by Devendra Banhart:

Put me in your suitcase, let me help you pack
Cause you're never coming back, no you're never comin back
Cook me in your breakfast, put me on your plate
Cause you know I taste great, yes you know I taste great (note: does not apply really apply to this summer...)

And my favorite line:

Put me in your blue sky, or put me in your gray
Cause there's gotta be someway. Yes, there's gotta be some way.


I like this a lot. I think that this one line is why I did not realize that this song is really sad until Peter pointed it out to me.

I like knowing people, for selfish reasons, really. I like learning from you, and I like sharing with you, and I like seeing the things that you think are worth it in this world. I will miss you, sometimes so much that I physically hurt, but if you become even a fraction of my world, I will be thankful.






*If this is not the case, please... email me! Write to me! Let me know who you are! I'll take you out for coffee for being my first unknown reader!