I gave him the side hug

Social skills are a difficult thing to measure.
In some social areas, I'd say I'm doing just fine. For example, I generally make a pretty good first impression among parents. Actually, most parents love me, and I'm pretty sure a few have even tried to encourage their sons to court me. I've got some amazing trait that makes kids flock after me* and even attempt to emulate my every move**. Regardless of which country I am in, I'm always popular among the nursing-home crowd...

And yet, there are some skills that are just absolutely not there, or at least frequently missing: Like the ability to open the door without hitting my own face. Or the grace in leaving a shop without knocking over the display by the front door. Or the power to be in pictures without my mouth open. I do not think that I can be in a remotely exciting situation without looking like a little kid on Christmas (and not just any kid on Christmas... but one who's seeing snow for the first time after just finding out that they're going to Disney world the next day). I must be the worst person in the world at being smooth...

I am not sure how people would describe me in 3 words... but I am guessing it would not be 'smooth', 'cool', and 'relaxed' (unless, of course, the person describing me was me, in which case 'COOL' would definitely be in the mix. Along with wonderful... charming...).

Earlier this weekend I was spelunking with a friend and her family. I had to apologize for nearly wiping out for the bajillionth time and described myself as being awkward (actually, I first incorrectly said ''Nerodno mi gre'' and then later asked my friend if I said that correctly. Apparently, I said that I am embarrassed instead of that I am awkward, so I had to return to Ana's sister and tell her that I didn't mean I am embarrassed, but that instead I mean I am awkward). She asked me why I think that... and after a very long pause, I decided to answer her with this: ''Nisem sigurna'' (''I am not sure'').

Lie. I just didn't want to try to explain in Slovene. I have about 500 stories that involve me saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... echoing something that someone else said immediately and in front of them without realizing I am doing so... sneezing phlegm onto someone else's math paper... falling on my face while giving 20 college kids a tour of campus... The earliest super awkward occasion that I can remember was giving a PROJECT TALK on making your own picture frames in 4-H when I was young. ''Just remember, you must leave one side unglued... which I forgot to do'' (so I'll just slide in this picture that I took with the judge leaving glue streaks across her face). My most recent awkward occasion involved going back to the bike shop (where I'd already been several times last week) to attach the cleats to my new shoes. I made a spectacle of having found the cleats that came with the pedals that I'd bought at another store on sale... only to realize that I left them at home, had to leave again, and knocked over a whole line of bikes on my way out of the shop.

A normal day in my life is anything but glorious. However, I've gotten so used to these moments that I no longer get embarrassed by them- I just take them in stride. Tell them as stories, even. Which is where the title comes in: The story of my favorite lack-of-social-skills-moment, the answer to Mateja's question if I had enough language skills:
Several years ago, the dream team took a trip to visit Kate Wasserman in Dallas, TX. Amanda, Tyler and myself packed into Tyler's car and hit the open road. There are many stories from this trip worth repeating, and many moments that I would like to destroy along with any videos that had been made later capturing these moments (I will seriously be very upset if you attempt to post a link here. Please don't).
Somewhere in the middle of this trip, we went to lunch with Tyler's aunt and uncle. We met them at their house after passing the first Chile's in existence (at which time I complained about how much I hate Chile's. It's got to be one of my least favorite restaurants in the world. Derek loves it though, and for this reason we had to go every year on his birthday from the time he had teeth until the time I moved to another country). For some reason, this was one of those days where I was not fully with it. A little slow on the uptake... drifting in and out of the conversations. One moment we were in the living room chatting about our majors... next moment, I'm fading in and out of convos in the kitchen ('Yeah! It's the first Chile's ever made- we'd love to take you all there for lunch)... next moment, Tyler's uncle comes over to me and out of nowhere GIVES ME THE SIDE HUG.
Yeah, I was confused about it too. I gave Tyler this look like ''What's wrong with your uncle? Why is he reaching out to hug me?''. Tyler just shook his head.
Apparently his hat was on the shelf behind me, and I misread, causing me to reach out and cling to him.

I cannot say that the awkwardness of the day stopped there. I also caused a lot of confusion in the parking lot of Chile's, also with hugging. Additionally, as I recall, there was a moment when someone stopped at our table to tell Amanda that her taco was the same size as her head. I had nothing to do with that moment, but its worth mentioning nonetheless.

________________________________________________________________
*Probably my extreme wisdom and maturity.
**Muhaha

Mega-pumped

"There is no end to the adventures we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." -Jawaharial Nehru

Love that. It's been really nice to contemplate 'adventure' in my life throughout the past year, as I've spent a good amount of time on a bicycle, traveling through these here Karavanke Alps... and for the moment- for the here and now, I am 100% sure that the adventure I'm living at the moment is right for the Nicole I am right now (yeah yeah, stick with me). And I'm also 100% sure that someday, although I hope to still be the proper Nicole (though perhaps a version that is somehow... more Nicole? Ha- ''further up and father in''), I will be pursuing very different adventures.

But this blog post is not about me, rather it is about an adventure that is not mine but that I am somehow lucky enough to be included in. An undertaking which I have smiled about prettttttttttty much continuously since I heard the news:

Matthew and Rachel are bringing a new life into this world.
Now, after this post, I will probably only refer to the baby as 'Megatron', seeing as more than 74 people liked that really clever and well done facebook page that was created by some genius(es) that cyberspace will unfortunately not identify. But for now I will refer to this baby as a little gem that is going to get to grow up with two of my favorite people in the world.


If you've had the pleasure of knowing Matthew and Rachel, you undoubtedly love them both individually. Rachel is fiery. She's got a passion about whatever she chooses to do, whether it be theater, advising freshman, supporting KU basketball, watching Titanic... she will succeed at anything she wants in her life- I know this, and the implications her character has for her new role as a mother is absolutely thrilling. She has always been responsible and down-to-earth and practical. She has also always been full of interesting things to share. She is always ready to listen (although you may need to call her 7 or 8 times before she'll notice that you need her), and she will travel great lengths to be there for you, even when she is tired. If you've seen her worry or felt her wrath, you'll have no problem imagining her being motherly. And if you are lucky enough to really know her well, you'll have no problem imagining her caring deeply and always.

And Matthew. The proctor we all know and love. The only one whose phone would connect with Lisa Eriksen's. Comedian. Genius. Dr. Gibson. Baby Jay. Always caring, always loving, always making fun of Rachel when she is not looking. Always, always willing to help in whatever way he can, or to learn how to help when he can't.

I love you two, dear friends. I am glad that I get to know you as individual people... and I am also glad that I get to celebrate the two of you together. To see the truly beautiful ways that you balance each other out and encourage each other. To see how love exists between you and how you exist among love. What a great adventure you have already been living. I am so very thrilled as you embark on a new part of the adventure- to see how this beautiful child will further balance you out and bring out parts of you that you might not even know yet.

Before I heard the news, I didn't know how I would take it... it's been said that I don't like babies (wait a second... I heard a song this one time, about a girl who didn't like babies or domesticated animals?), and I'd be lying if I said that they didn't make me uncomfortable in the past. Additionally, I am not even remotely close to being ready for this chapter of my life... but none of that matters. I am SO EXCITED. I am SO HAPPY. Rachel and Matt are having a baby, and it is going to grow up with hilarious and wonderful parents and be surrounded in love. Good work with those open eyes, Matt and Rachel- I'd say that you landed yourself on quite a worthy adventure.
Love you,
-Botra :)

It's a secret no one knows... (and a blog post no one can predict the direction of...)

Today was a surprisingly good day. I usually expect good days (at least now that I am LOVING my job again), but every once and a while, I anticipate being a little bit down, especially when life brings a responsibility to do some hard or unpleasant things. But those things are not a part of the story for today- rather, today's story tells of peace and delight.

Let's back this thing up:
When I was little, I looked for happiness like all children: The temporary stuff... you know, those things that won't last (i.e. ice cream cones, cycling, roller-blading... oh wait...). Then I grew up (ha) and realized that ''Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness'' (George Orwell). I think that this is a good word that echos the creepy words that have been abused over and over again through time... Do it for the greater good. But since I am not a Death eater or a dictator or one of those village watch people trying to win the best-community-in-England for the x-teenth time in a row, I can say that I believe many things need to be done for the greater good, leading to the most complete (i.e. mental, physical, emotional) health possible (take that with a grain of salt- as many of you remember, 25cent cone month at DQ was pretty much the happiest month of my life).

Part of that, for me, means following my heart- even if it means I am 7 time zones away from where I want to be to watch the KU defeat Kentucky (admittedly, I don't care so much about basketball, but I'm missing an opportunity to be excited with you amazing people, give high fives to strangers, and hopefully watch one friend accidentally give another a black eye).

I don't know where I will be next year. I know (well, sort of) what my heart is telling me... but am still working on the practical issues- which I am not generally as concerned with. I'm sure that sometime I will receive a rude awakening, but it still seems like following your heart (and by that, I hope that I mean a heart that exists to worship God in as complete of a way as possible) will lead you exactly to the place you need to go.

(I can't tell if I sound too much like a hippie or a religious fanatic writing this?)

It's really nice to see where many of you have ended up, also by following your heart for what you should at this point in life. What exciting things- Some of you in a different culture, a new environment. Some have embarked on the incredible adventure of love. Some are now bringing new lives into the world (!). How amazing to see the equally valuable things that we have all found ourselves doing. Beautiful.

It's been an interesting journey toward OWNING what I feel like my life has given me at this point. I don't think that I expected this path for myself years ago. I definitely didn't when I was a little girl- I remember imagining myself as a college student- I imagined I would have a serious boyfriend, a very large perm, and would live somewhere like California. I definitely expected to be fashionable. Talented, probably. This was probably at the time I also thought I would be an astronaut (before the very significant period of time where I thought I would be an actress in Disney Channel Original Movies). Interesting how none of those things really seemed to pan out... and how I've finally really started to be confident in my path regardless of its divergence from any of the expectations that I've had.

One thing that Slovenes are really really good at is OWNING whatever they're doing. If you've got a talent here, you are really proud of it. If you can sing, you sing. If you like singing, but are horrible, you sing anyway. If you've got any artistic ability, you enter into every art competition possible, if you like your shirt, but nobody else does, you wear it anyway. If your favorite animal is a honey-bee, you are not too embarrassed to write it in your letter to your American pen-pal. Perhaps these examples do not portray the depth to which you can feel it in these kids, but it has inspired me to try to own more of my own decisions and the things on my heart. And it's made me really motivated to follow up my decisions and my heart with ACTIONS that live out what I decide to do (note: I am not saying I'm SUCCESSFUL in this, but look- I'm tryin' here).

SO, although this is not where I expected this blog post to go, and although I don't think that I really have a right to give an emotional speech or advice, I'm going to try to encourage you to own whatever you're doing. I do not mean do whatever you said you would do once- that is stubbornness and, in my opinion, locks politicians and girlfriends and teachers into doing stupid shit. BUT the advice that I am trying to follow right now is to re-evaluate what is on my heart and then embark on 'whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable...' And embark on it with confidence and energy even if it leads to the unknown, trusting that it's on my heart for such a real reason that I will inevitably get to where I need to go.